Thursday, March 12, 2009

Ups and Downs

The dead dog still has me rattled. Today was the first time I felt lonely. Solo travel definitely has its ups and downs. I do it because it’s still mostly ups, but when there are downs, it sucks. Especially when bad things happen and there’s no one to tell about it. I have the people here at the apartment, but I don’t want to ruin their vacation with my bad experiences.

I’ve been using Joanna’s internet at the apartment, but today, there is none. I feel isolated and more vulnerable since yesterday. Vulnerability while traveling alone can’t really be an option. As a woman, it’s especially important to remain rooted in your power. Sure, it’s mostly an illusion, but fake it ‘til ya make it, right?

I took a self defense course several years back. I remember expecting to feel powerful and invigorated by the newfound skills that would aid me in protecting myself if the need ever came up. Instead, I felt more vulnerable. It was as if the learning of proper skills smashed the façade I’d created for myself of being of a tough New Yorker. Being thrown around on the mat by guys in big padded suits made me acutely aware of just how powerless I really am.

The dead dog chipped my little façade of being safe. It reminded me that there is consequence. I’ve got to get my confidence back or else I’m screwed for the rest of the trip.

Traveling alone is full of challenges and overcoming such challenges give me power. I don’t like to be afraid of things and when I am, I try to face it head-on. I want to rent a moped here, but I am bit afraid. I’ve only ridden one once before and that was a long time ago. But I refuse not to do something just because it scares me. So, tomorrow – a moped rental it is.

I just returned from town. I had some dinner and then hit the internet café where I was able to chat online with my friend, Matthew. GOD bless technology!! It was just what I needed. We had a terrific chat and he had me laughing out loud in the café. I also ran into my dog/dolphin trainer, Fernando and we made plans to catch up on Monday. I feel rejuvenated and ready for a better day tomorrow. Thank goodness for good friends.

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