Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Just another day............

I woke up this morning and felt strangely upbeat a bit disconnected from the day.  There were no somber thoughts or feelings of despair.  Just business as usual.

I wondered if that was a bad thing; ya know, not stopping to honor the day.  But then, I got to thinking.  What's so bad about moving on?  I think it's okay not to yank yourself out of feeling good just for the sake of "remembering."

Trust me, I remember.  It's the remembering that brings me down.  And I could stay there; I could.  The comfort of the darkness calling out to me like a warm blanket.  The nobility of having "survived."  I got lucky - for sure. 

But sometimes, if I let myself, I can see it all - the horror of things no one should ever see.  Ya see, going there keeps me there and I don't want to be there today.  Eleven years ago, I could've packed it in and lived a life of being a "9/11 Survivor."  And, believe me, it was tempting.  I'm a natural storyteller, so telling my story to anyone who would listen made me feel good.  I felt special.  A part of something.  And I probably could have fed off of that forever.

But my life didn't end on September 11th.  I am alive and to be a survivor means you to have to move on and make your life whole.  I saw things on that day that I will never forget, but I've also seen wonderful things like the Taj Mahal and my smiling nieces.  When I look back on my life, I want to see more than just one story.  I want to see my whole life.

So today is like any other.  I remember; but I keep going because I am a survivor.

I don't think so.  I think it's okay not


joanknits said...

Hi Liz,
Haven't read your blog in a while, but went to my aol mail for something today. This is beautifully written. Outstanding, truly.

Martart1 said...

Hi Liz,
Remember about having a painting done of you. My computer died and I lost my mail list, so I thought of your blog which I enjoyed. If you could send me and e-mail @ martart11@verizon.net we could get things underway, I'm redesigning part of my studio which will be great for painting people.

Thank's so much,
PS When I get your e-mail there's a painting I just finished I will send to you.