A Different View

Once I unpacked, I decided to take a walk into town, something I reveled in on my last trip. I love to walk anyway, but taking the short journey into town on foot gave me a sense of connection to the locals. Many people walk here, so I would frequently pass small families walking along the highway, on their way home from a day’s work, I assumed. Their faces were always inviting with wide smiles and warm eyes as they greeted me, “Hola!” About a month before my trip, I was walking down the street in Brooklyn and the very idea of walking to town once again in Mexico made my heart skip with joy.

Though I’m exhausted, I know the walk will do me good, reconnecting to the very thing that draws me here – the warmth. It’s still really hot, (which is not the warmth to which I’m referring!) but I’m on my way. It’s not yet dark, but the sun is definitely setting as I turn left off the condo driveway and head north on Highway 307 towards town. Highway 307 runs all the way from Cancun, through Playa, to Tulum and beyond. It turns into Avenida Tulum in the pueblo or the center of town. The condo sits about a half mile from the edge of town, which on foot, usually takes about ten minutes to reach.

Making my way north, Tulum feels different to me. I dismiss the feeling and chalk it up to the internal dialogue that continues to haunt. I want to be afraid – a default mode of sorts. But I gently remind myself to breathe and have faith that it will be okay. I pass several locals on the street, but they don’t greet me with the same enthusiasm as my past experiences. In fact, they don’t greet me at all. I try to take the initiative and offer up a cheerful, “Hola!” but their responses are either lackluster or non-existent. This fuels my fear. The inner dialogue growing in volume, “Ya see? Tulum was just a fluke. It’s not so great……”

I focus on my feet and the ground beneath them telling myself that in the heat, perhaps, it’s just too much energy to be friendly.

I think about dinner. I’m craving something light and Mexican. I decide on Charlie,s, a local spot in town that has a great chicken tostada with black beans, guacamole and tasty pico de gallo. With renewed enthusiasm, I carry on.

At the edge of town, I notice some places that have shut down. Empanada Joe’s is for rent. Disappointing, as I liked their breakfast and free WiFi. My usual internet cafe is shuttered too, but I wonder if it’s just for the low-season. And, unfortunately, Charlie’s is closed too. Not shuttered, thankfully, but closed. Perhaps it’s because it’s Monday. I continue on and notice several places seem to be closed as well. The town seems sleepy and not as inviting.

I settle on La Nave – my favorite Italian spot, though it’s a little hot for pasta. I have a quiet dinner amongst 5 other diners and decide to call it a night. I am truly exhausted – it’s 8pm.

I hail a cab back to the condo and even the driver seems unfriendly. I’m so disappointed as I can’t help but keep comparing it to my last visit where I would converse with anyone willing to deal with my broken Spanish. I feel myself pulling inward – a silent warning bell ringing. “I can’t disappear. I have to stay present,” I tell myself. I think about sleepaway camp and my childhood, determined to trust my choice and give this journey a chance.

Arriving “home”, I turn on my NY cell phone hoping for a text message from someone reminding me that I’m not completely shut off from the outside world. I don’t have wireless in the apartment. One of the couples, Ron and Catherine, who live here all year ‘round, have offered me a key to their patio, where I can use their wireless connection for access to the internet. It’s great that I have this option, but I’m conscious of not wearing out my welcome.

No messages from home. I am tired and anxious to sleep. Tomorrow, I tell myself, I will start fresh. Tomorrow, it will be better.

Surrender / Intention

A good theme for this trip. A friend of mine just texted me(free for incoming, 35 cents for each outgoing text). Her text read: "Thinking a lot about surrender and intention." Her text was a gift to me - a reminder of my own journey. My own intentions. And ultimately, the courage to give them up and let the universe do it's thing.

I can feel the pressure of being an inspiration to people – near and far. I don’t mind mostly. I chose it, boasting about going away for “a month” to my customers and strangers while at work. I wasn’t really bragging. The trip just provided casual fodder for conversations that needed an injection of excitement.

I'm a bartender. A storyteller. It's my job to keep people engaged and interested. (and drunk, but that's the easy part.)

Good stories are essential to the job.

I've been planning Mexico for months. The story had chapters. Some people were supportive. Others not so much, saying things like, "Mexico? Well, don't get kidnapped down there." or "Bring a mask." In my final days before the trip, I was anxious to start the next part - PART 2....the trip.

Shall we go?

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I am here in Tulum – finally. I arrived on Monday after a long day of travel. To save money, I opted for the Super Shuttle to the airport in NY. For $27, I got a ride to Newark with 11 strangers. The van was full when it got to me, so I sat up front with the driver. Although it was 5:30 in the morning, it struck me funny that I was sharing such close quarters with people, some of whose faces I never saw as my back was to them for the entire ride.

I landed in Tulum and was to be picked up by Gilberto, the caretaker of Brian and Gina’s apartment, where I’m staying. I met Gilberto only once and couldn’t recall his face, but thankfully, he had a sign with my name and we were on our way down to Tulum.

Cancun is about 90 miles north of Tulum. Playa Del Carmen sits in-between. Playa serves as the “city” to those that live south. It’s built up over the years and many people in Tulum fear that it’s a preview of what will come in a few years to their sleepy town. Convenience-wise, Playa is great.

There’s a Walmart which makes the American version look like an outpost. Walmart here, is huge! It’s got everything, including produce and fresh meats and fish. Gilberto suggested we stop and pick up some stuff for the condo. I was grateful to have a Spanish-speaking person with me to translate some of the labels and answer my questions about some of the local fare.

After Walmart, we continued down to Tulum. Gilberto is a wonderful person. He’s very smart and his English is really good. We spoke easily throughout the trip and he’s a great audience for my humor, so there were a lot of laughs as well. He’s married to Priscilla and they take care of a few of the condos here in Tulum. He and his wife are a jack/jill of all trades. He transports people to and from the airport, the market, the beach. She teaches Spanish, cleans, irons. It’s a great thing they have going.

Arriving at the condo was mixed for me. The last time I was here, I stayed in a different apartment which faced the pool. I liked it because I felt connected to what was going on around me with the others and it was an easy way to socialize without really trying.

Brian and Gina’s place faces the back part of the property, which is much more isolated. However, it’s decorated really well and there’s a warm energy in the apartment, so walking inside, I was glad to be there.

It was blazing hot outside, so I was thankful for the modern amenities like air conditioning and ceiling fans. I bid Gilberto good-bye and unpacked my groceries and clothes. I wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be. I kept trying to find the joy that I felt the last time I arrived in Tulum, but all I felt was apprehension. The noise in my head translated to, “What the hell am I thinking? A month? What am I going to do for a month?” This would quickly become my new mantra.

I know myself. It takes me a minute to adapt, but once I do, I’m golden. Even when I was a kid, I’d go to camp and spend the first week crying and missing home so badly that I thought I wouldn’t make it through the month. Once the month was over, I’d spend the car ride home crying because I would miss my new friends so much. I decided to counter the mantra with another one, “I will be fine.”

A Dog's Life

I've been thinking about dogs a lot lately. Correction: I've been thinking about getting another dog lately. A lot. I've even taken to browsing around on Pet Finder to see if there's a special dog that needs a home. While there are tons of special dogs that need homes, I still can't quite pull the trigger.

I mentioned that I was "jonesin' for another dog" on Father's Day and my brother, practical as ever, pointed out, "You'll completely lose your freedom." He has a point. A big one. Am I ready to give up doing me and only me to care for a new dog? I tell myself that I'll get an adult dog - puppies need more attention than I can give. This, I know for sure. But, what about walking, feeding, caring? I've done it before, won't I be able to do it again?

It reminds me of dating. I used to tell my friends when they'd accuse me of being picky that I can do alone. I don't want to, but I can. I'd rather wait for the right one than take any guy that happens to come along.

So, where do I start on this dog journey? And is it odd that the dogs I radiate towards look rather similar to Rufus? Is that bad? I think so. For months, I told myself, this was the very reason that I wasn't ready for another dog. But, now I'm wondering.....maybe it's just a taste thing.

The loss of freedom is real. I like the fact that I can leave my apartment in the morning and spend the entire day doing whatever I please without any thoughts of getting home to feed and walk a dog. But then, the other side hits me. I miss the company. I miss the connection to an animal.

Maybe it's because I'm not dating anyone at the moment. Could I really be that lame? It's true, though, that after Rufus' death, I realized how much his presence in my life mitigated the need for a man's presence. Will that happen again? Plenty of people have dogs and boyfriends, right?

I tell myself that Rufus was a special case. We had a bond - an extraordinary one. Will I have to love my new dog less in order to have a life? Maybe I'll just get one that's paper trained. Then, I'll have it all! A dog and a life! Hmmmmm.......

Happy Birthday GEMINI!

Woo hoo! For those of you who don’t know – I’m a Gemini and I just love when the Sun is in my sign. Can any of you feel the difference? The Sun’s journey through Taurus for Gemini’s especially can be a bit, shall we say, inward? An uncommon state of being for most Gemini’s, for sure!! Keep in mind, this applies to you if you’ve got a Gemini Moon or Rising as well.

Regardless of how closely tied to Gemini any of you are, the fact is that things are going to get a lot lighter in the weeks to come. Gemini is ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication, so be prepared to hear a lot from your Gemini friends! In fact, there’s going to be a whole lot of thinkin’ and talkin’ going on. But it’s going to be a bit of a slow go, as Mercury is deep in retrograde in Taurus until the 30th of May. Remember to keep your sense of humor.

Think of it as a “Hurry Up and Wait” kind of energy – not necessarily the most comfortable, but at least I feel like doing something now! My advice is to get those ducks in order, because when May 30th hits, things are going to speed up. Ever meet a Gemini who didn’t have three different things working either in their minds or in their lives all at once. Well, as a whole, with the Sun in Gemini until late June, we’re about to all feel like we’ve just woken up from a deep sleep.

Granted, there are some tricky aspects to this if you’ve got a birthday in Sagittarius, Pisces or Virgo. Email me at gari47@gmail.com, if you’re experiencing anything other than a lighter feeling.

Very early Sunday morning, brings the New Moon in Gemini. The New Moon is when the Moon crosses over the Sun. On an energetic level, it symbolizes new beginnings, as from the point of the New Moon forward, the Moon will grow until it becomes full later in the month. New Moons are a great time for everyone to set intentions, create new starts and usher in more expansive energy. I vote for lighting a candle on Saturday night, centering yourself, and in the spirit of Gemini and their penchant for talking, speak aloud your intentions with conviction and confidence. Feel what it would feel like in your body if you got all that you’re asking for! There is no room for doubt when you’re living in abundance. Happy NEW MOON to you all!!!

With love…..liz

Quote of the DAY................

Freedom isn't a choice the world encourages.
You have to wear a suit of armor to defend it. -unknown

More thoughts on mercury in retro. I’m seeing a lot of self-esteem stuff come up in my own experience with the current retrograde. As I meditated on this, I remembered that Taurus rules the second house which represents our values – what we value? How and if we value ourselves. After Venus went direct, it was clear to me that my position on relationship was shifting. Venus’ backward motion provided a deeper journey into who I want to be in relationship and with whom do I want to share my love.

Now, we’ve got a retrograde in Taurus – ruled by venus. More love / value / identity review. But this time, it feels like I’ve got more of me in place. The next step is putting it into practice (very Taurus!). And I’m feeling the push and pull of it all. In fact, if you ask me five minutes from now about love, my answer might be different.

Mercury is all about our thinking – this is why during a mercury retrograde there is so much miscommunication. Thoughts are unclear and unformulated – the lines of communication and their flow are not working properly. Oh right…….it’s about sloooooooowing down.

I guess it is to be restless and lazy all at once. Hurry up! Wait. Hurry up! Wait.

Please email me your mercury retro experiences at gari47@gmail.com

Mercury in Retrograde – AGAIN?!

Yes, folks, once again, Mercury is in retrograde. Some of you know that when a planet turns retrograde, it’s more the illusion of spinning backwards than the actual; similar to when you’re sitting in a car, not moving, but the car inching forward next to you makes it seem like you’re moving backwards.

But the illusion stops there. Make no mistake – retrograde energy is real and before you start shaking your head and moaning, I’m here to remind you of how wonderfully helpful this kind of energy can be. First, we need to take a look at where in the Zodiac this is happening. The majority of the retrograde will occur in Taurus which, in my opinion, is an interesting follow-up to the recent Venus retrograde that just finished in mid-April.

The Venus retrograde was all about how we feel about ourselves. Are we really loving ourselves? Are we loving ourselves too much and neglecting others in our lives? Are we just saying we love ourselves as opposed to believing that we are worthy of abundance and love? These are some of the questions that were bumping up against many of my friends and clients all through the retrograde. Once a planet moves direct, which is another way of saying, goes out of retrograde, there’s usually some sort of resolution.

In the case of Venus, I’m not so sure the story’s over just yet. In fact, Venus rules Taurus and Mercury is retrograding in Taurus – do you see the connection? It’s okay if you don’t, you will by the end of this posting.

While it’s true that a lot of annoying things happen when Mercury is retrograde like subway problems, miscommunication, lost checks in the mail, delays in any type of correspondence, etc., it’s important to focus on the deeper meaning of such challenges. An astrology teacher once told me, “Mercury in retrograde reminds us not to lose our sense of humor.” At the time, I scoffed at this because all I really wanted was a little sympathy for all of the bullshit happening in my life. But, as I deepened my astrological studies, I realized the wisdom of his words.

During a retrograde, things slow down on purpose! It is a time to revisit, reevaluate and rework any kind of plan, issue or situation that is significant in your life. It gives us the chance to check our work and make sure the t’s are crossed and the i’s are dotted. If we embrace that energy, it can be a really useful time.

Let’s take a look at the specifics of this retrograde and hopefully, you’ll be able to see the signposts in your own lives to help you maneuver through the next three weeks.

So, we already know that Mercury is retrograde in Taurus. Elizabeth Rose Cambell writes in her book Intuitive Astrology, “Taurus seeks to stabilize growth, to encourage seedlings to take root so that they can ultimately produce abundant resources…..Taurus takes on a task and cultivates the habits necessary for the harvest, whatever form it takes: a row of corn, a rock garden, a well-made story.”
What do we need to cultivate in terms of our value? Taurus is an earth sign, so when dealing with such stuff, there’s going to be a naturally practical approach. Venus retrograde brought up the issue of how we feel about ourselves and our worth. Mercury (retrograde) in Taurus is currently giving us an opportunity to turn whatever we discovered and cultivate it into practice.

For example, a friend of mine, during the Venus retrograde was suffering from a difficult breakup. In the height of the retrograde, she had a revelation about giving herself over to the woman inside herself as opposed to letting the little girl rule the roost. Yesterday, we spoke about her progress and she informed me that she’s not interested in being in a relationship right now. In fact, she’s enjoying the process of getting to know the woman inside herself. So, you see, the Venus retrograde, gave her the opportunity to look deeper into her self-esteem and where it wasn’t working in her life. And the mercury retrograde in Taurus is giving her the motivation to pull in, get to know this side of herself and be the value she sees in herself.

If things don’t seem to be “going your way”, do not despair. Remember, keep your sense of humor and ask yourself, if there’s something deeper in the mix to look at. Sometimes, a missed subway is just that. But instead of wasting your energy on being pissed about it, take the time to center yourself and utilize your energy for more productive thoughts. After all, aren’t we right where we’re supposed to be?

Feel free to send me any retrograde stories or questions!

Sending you all love, light and a sense of humor. Until next time……..liz


Mercury will be in retrograde until May 30, 2009.